Even after all the things you’ve done, I still can’t help but love you.
Love the person you used to be.
You’re not the same, and I know I’m partly to blame.
I know you mourn the love we used to share.
Mourn the memories we made.
Mourn me.
The person I used to be.
I now realize, I never truly knew you.
I knew the person you wanted to be, the person you wanted me to see.
I know, within my heart, you had good intentions.
We loved, and we fought.
But we fought more than we loved.
And somewhere along the way, you made me a godforsaken mess.
I was drained
I was numb
I was in constant misery
But he brought me back to life.
And I began to cling to that.
I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And the closer I got to it, I realized you weren’t in the light.
I knew deep down I could love you.
I could love you if I gave up everything that makes me, me.
I could love you, but only if I lose myself.
I could love you, but only if I tolerate it.
I couldn’t do that to myself.
I couldn’t sit there and watch myself wither away again.
I knew I deserved more.
I knew I deserved to feel free.
You clung to whatever you had left of the person I once was, and I clung to the one who brought me back to life.
We both wanted different things.
different futures
Different lifestyles
It wasn’t fair to either of us to want different things from each other.
I know there was a time when I loved you. A time when I could look into your eyes and see nothing but love and adoration.
Only now, when I look into your eyes, I see the darkness inside you.
You’re not who you once were.
But then again, neither am I.
and at the end of the day, we couldn’t both be happy.
We couldn’t both have what we wanted, what we needed.
I knew you would never leave.
So I had to.
I knew that one day, with time, you’d heal.
And so would I.
I knew that one day, we could have what we both wanted.
It just wouldn’t be with each other.