Death.
I have yet to comprehend the meaning of death. Or why does god take away the young when they have so much life to live? I believed that if I prayed enough, she would wake up. When she didn’t, I began to blame myself, blame god. She didn’t get a choice of whether she wanted to live.
The aftermath of a death, the heavy feeling in your chest. Wishing the truth was just a nightmare—the sleepless nights where you can only see their last breath. Your crowded mind is filled with thoughts that won’t disappear no matter how hard you try. A constant reminder of what could’ve been. A loss in time. A question for god. Why has he done this?
Some stand motionless, consumed in grief; others move on, live their life, the life she should’ve lived.
I swallow myself in sadness and self-pity as I think about life and all the times it could’ve been Abby or me. I think about how it all could’ve been avoided, how she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think about our childhood together and how we drifted apart. She was once my best friend. The girl I grew up with will be unable to continue and grow into the adult she was supposed to be.
I know healing is not linear; it’ll come and go in waves. Some days may be more complicated than most. Some will be easier.
Kelsey will forever live in our hearts. We will cherish our memories with her, and she will not be forgotten. All we can do is honor her memory. Show her we love her, even if she’s not physically with us anymore.
Dear Kelsey, We love you and won’t let you be forgotten.